There’s an American restaurant chain called Dick’s Last Resort whose basic
shtick is that the waiters talk down to patrons and generally try to be as obnoxious as
possible. On the menu they’ve got “Fry’d Shrimpies,” “Buffalo Chx
Sammich,” “Big Ass Burger” and all manner of cutely named dinner
platters, but you go to Dick’s for its peculiar brand of ambience above all else.
You’ll find Dick’s in places like Nashville, Dallas and Boston — cities with
big personalities. The chain opened a location in London in the ‘90s, but it didn’t
catch on with the locals and closed shortly thereafter. Perhaps the English don’t
enjoy a good ribbing at mealtime.I got to thinking about the elements of a
restaurant that come together to create a good first-date ambience on a recent date in
Brooklyn, at a place called Celestino. Dick’s is an extreme example, but the point
here is that all restaurants provide an atmosphere in addition to a meal: dinners and
lunch counters are no-frills, relaxed, congenial; steakhouses tend to be respectful,
formal, civilized; and Mongolian barbecue spots are participatory, weird and vaguely
insincere, like the cuisine itself. Increasingly, restaurants can be like holy shrines to
the chef, who, if you’re lucky, is there finishing your salmon
entrée with a nest of pea tendrils, but more likely is off signing cookbooks or
inking a new lease.So why is all this important? For dating, of course.
Celestino, despite the relative absurdity of a nautical-inspired restaurant in an
increasingly trendy neighborhood in central Brooklyn — which is to say, increasingly
expensive or yuppie or hipster
or just plain nice, depending on your perspective — is a restaurant that embodies all the
elements that make up a perfect first-date
restaurant.Celestino looks like it’s been plucked right from a
fishing village in the south of Italy: whitewashed brick; fishing rods, nets and
buoys hanging from the walls and ceiling; whole fish on ice next to the open kitchen; our
waiter, straight off the boat from Sardinia, dressed in a horizontal-stripe
fisherman’s shirt; and even the owner, Massimiliano Nanni, sitting at a table
wearing a red beanie.I like to think I’ve got a bullsh* t meter that
redlines at the first sight of clever marketing, but not even a faint murmur here. That
had something to do with the food. We had the kale salad with anchovies, a plate of baked
oysters and clams, a crepe with a fish ragu inside — the presentation and layering here
being something like a lasagna — and a whole grilled porgy served with grilled
vegetables. The food was all tier one, probably one of the best meals I’ve had in
New York, and the bottle of white wine we ordered was good and not unreasonably expensive.
