“It’s the old who can teach us that life is worthwhile ‘to its very
end.’” -George E. VaillantGodfrey Camille found happiness
when he was hospitalized for 14 months at age 35. Until then, he’d been a miserable
hypochondriac; it took a real health threat to dispel the anxiety of endless false alarms.
When he died at age 82, he was able to look back on his life as a happy one.Algernon Young found happiness at age 51, when he started going to church. A
congregation presented him with the opportunity to establish relationships; he found a
wife and a lot of friends there, all of whom cried at his funeral 15 years later. At 66,
he died young, but in the years before, he was able to look at his life as a happy one.Godfrey Camille and Algernon Young are two of the 268 Harvard sophomores who
committed to a lifetime of regular medical exams, psychological interrogations and
no-holds-barred interviews for the benefit of the Harvard Grant Study. Their participation
began when they were in their early 20s; it ended when they died.The
study’s original goal was to establish what conditions and choices determined a
man’s health. As the years rolled by and different research directors took control,
the definition of what constituted health changed. One recent director, George E.
Vaillant, expanded it to incorporate physical and mental health, career achievements, and
secure and satisfying marriages and relationships. In short, Vaillant turned the Grant
study into a survey of male happiness and life success. And this past fall, he published
his findings in a book called Triumphs
of Experience.Triumphs of Experience is a heavy read.
Vaillant’s methodology is complex, and he sifts a lot of data through it — more
than 70 years’ worth of the decisions, chance developments and changes that marked
268 male lives. I’m not going to try to summarize it all here — I do want you to
read the book, after all. But, just in case you don’t, I will share two of
Vaillant’s key findings, each of which may help you in planning your own Better Man
year for 2013.1. No man is happy throughout his entire life.
Irrespective of how blessed or brilliant they were, virtually all of the Harvard Grant
Study men endured tough times and tragedies.2. Some men only become
happy very late in life. But their lives, seen in their entirety, are not poorer
for it. In fact, even when it comes late, happiness erases
memories of all the unhappiness that preceded it.The first point might suggest
that happiness is not in our control. That no matter how talented, diligent or optimistic
we are, at any moment, a breakup, a job
loss or something altogether more horrible can come whipping around the corner
and take us out. This is true, and there’s nothing we can do about it. But
it’s also true that, after these events come, they pass. They become one of the many
events that make up a lifetime; any heightened significance they have in this context is
the significance that we give them.That’s a nice thought, and it’s
reinforced by the second point. Happiness is not always in our control, but it’s
always within our reach. Godfrey Camille and Algernon Young reached out and grabbed it
when they were well into manhood. Another Grant Study man, John Adams, suffered through
three bad
marriages until he made his vows, at age 45, in the good one. His fourth wife has now
been at his side for 42 years (and counting). Adams had ample evidence — and,
undoubtedly, plenty of reminders from friends — to suggest that happiness in romance was
not in the cards for him. He persisted, wisely, in seeking it out.Grant Study
stories like these ones are reassuring. But there’s no need to wait until
you’re 35, or 45, or 51 to reach out and grab your happiness. Over the next 12 days,
we’ll be publishing our Better Man series. Each day will focus on self-improvement
in a different area of male life, and there’s a good chance that one of those will
be an area that you’re unhappy in. That may be for a very good reason. But
we’re not going to let you be unhappy for the same reason a year from now.
